Family & Children

car seat

Driving along with baby in the car is a regular part of any and every parent's routine. With a busy schedule to maintain, it’s no wonder many parents feel frustration at the task of buckling fasteners, adjusting belts and dealing with crying babies. Frustration can lead to shortcuts but how serious are the risks?

Facing Backwards?
It can be very frustrating for a new parent to deal with the piercing wails of an infant who is facing backwards in the back seat of the car.  Although it may seem like an okay idea, unfortunately, keeping baby in a backwards facing car seat is crucial to their safety. A baby's neck muscles are not strong and so turns in the road can easily strain a small neck when gravity takes control. Some seats are even equipped with a gauge on the side which will indicate the perfect angle for your baby's comfort and safety.

How Tight Should the Straps Be?
To determine the correct placement and tightness of the harness you should just barely be able to fit one finger between your baby and the harness straps. Any looser and baby could be ejected from the straps in an accident. The harness straps should be adjusted to come out at, or just below, baby's shoulders. The chest clip needs to be across the baby's chest bone. This keeps the harness straps in the proper position and will absorb the force of a collision across the chest bone, which is safest.

Criteria for Seat Adjustment?
Improperly attaching the car seat to your vehicle is a common, and extremely dangerous, mistake. In a recent study it was found that 63% of car seats were not properly installed. Some children's stores that sell car seats, as well as local police, can check your installation and show you how to make the corrections. Often the seat is simply too loose. Try installing it by placing your knee in the seat while fastening it in keeping in mind that the seat should not move at the base.  Keeping your kids safe is a huge concern for parents and so, understanding the necessity of safely buckling your kids up right from infancy is crucial to ensuring their safety as they grow up.  This will ensure that you, and them, become accustomed to the routine and implement it on every trip you take on every road. 

Links:  
Car Safety Seats:  A Guide for Families 2006
http://www.aap.org/family/carseatguide.htm
http://www.car-safety.org/rearface.htm

For generations and generations, the thought of sharing your bed with your children seemed old fashioned, undisciplined, and a generally bad idea. That view still exists in many Western countries and so, it is understandable that professionals have encouraged the trend towards independence in children as early as possible. 

However, a recent paradigm shift and reversal in traditional thinking has occurred with many women looking to return to the controversial idea of the family bed.  Sharing a bed has been a custom for centuries before average families could afford separate beds.  And so why the return to this mindset?  For many mothers the reports about increased suffocation risk for infants sleeping in adult beds along with social pressure to establish an independent child forces them to rise several times per night and fight endless battles to keep their unwilling child in a crib.  It is the conflict between those two concerns that make this issue so controversial.  Should independence ever trump safety?

The question to be asked is, ‘Is it worth it’? Many parents are beginning to say no.  In a report by Today's Parent magazine, two-thirds of respondents said they sleep with their baby "sometimes", "often" or "always". Is it something you should try? If you already are, is it safe to continue?

Many of the dangers attributed to sleeping in adult beds comes from studies that included the risk of the baby coming to harm on the bed itself - by wedging between the mattress and the wall or other danger - and babies who died from SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) in which no cause was found.  Despite that fact, professionals who continued to look for methods of bed sharing that were acceptable were unable to do so. While sharing a room with the parents has been proven to cut the risk of SIDS dramatically, sharing a bed just could not pass the scrutiny of the medical community.

So what will you do? More and more Western families are seeing benefits of sharing a bed with improved sleep for both mother and baby. Young children also find comfort in a family bed. This can be particularly attractive to working mothers who miss out on time spent with their infants or children through the day and hope to make up for it at night.

Whatever you decide, you will find that many parents are divided on the topic, so find what works for your family and stick to it! 

Links:
http://www.bygpub.com/natural/family-bed.htm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sharing_a_bed

It is such a joy for parents to see their once helpless baby learning new skills as they grow to be toddlers. However, often accompanying that joy are worry and frustration especially when toddlers enter into what many term as the "terrible twos" and display signs of aggression.

Here are some common concerns faced by parents with aggressive toddlers:

1. I am afraid to let my child socialize with other children. I am afraid he will hit or bite the other child when he doesn't get what he wants.
2. I've tried reasoning with my child, explaining why hitting is bad. I've even tried scolding and timeout. But nothing seems to work. I don't know what else to do.
3. Every time my child hurts another child, I feel bad and I know that the other parents think I am a bad parent.
4. I hope that this is just a phase my child is going through and it will soon end.

To help an aggressive toddler, a parent must first understand the reason for the aggression. This is important because then the parent doesn't just label a child as "bad" or "naughty" and react to them in that manner. One of the main reasons why a toddler shows aggression is because they are still lacking in their language skills.  There are several things a parent can do to combat a child's aggression.
1. Replace bad habits with better ones. Teach the child proper behavior. 
2. Give attention to the child that is hurt. This way you do not reward your child's behavior with your attention.
3. Role play. Identify situations that may trigger the aggressive behavior. Act them out together or use dolls or puppets. You can act out both the good behavior and aggressive behavior and ask your child which is right.  4. Do not yell or spank when you reprimand your child. Instead, talk in a serious tone. 5. Be persistent and consistent. Children learn through repetition. Learning how to handle aggression does not happen in one lesson. If you have to say it a 100 times, do it.

Remember to always take a step back and take a good look at your child, his or her environment, and also yourself. Then be strong enough to make the necessary changes in order to help your child get over their ‘terrible twos’.

Links
ttp://www.ehow.com/how_9080_teach-aggressive-children.html
http://childparenting.about.com/cs/behaviorproblems/a/aggressivechild.htm

Is the regular trip to the neighborhood video store or the downtown multiplex with your child starting to feel like an exercise in parental perplexity? If so, then there is no need to blame yourself. Combined with family-oriented classics, straight-to-video releases and children’s documentaries released by niche production companies, the sheer volume of movies aimed at young audiences is enough to make Mom and Dad long for the good old days of 1960s-era Walt Disney features about animals, princes and paupers, and fairy godmothers. Fortunately, quality children’s films are not limited to movies that star Mickey Mouse or Peter Pan. In fact, there are many children’s movies that not only entertain, but also impart the right values.  The following guide can help you decide which movies are appropriate for your child.

Check the rating or classification
The ratings system used by the Motion Picture Association of America classifies movies based on the amount of violence, sex, nudity, strong language, and drug use your children will see or hear. Ratings offer advance information about movies so that parents can decide what films they want their children to see. However, do not rely on ratings alone to determine whether or not a movie is suitable for your child.

Movies must be age-appropriate
Children of different age groups and developmental stages do not respond similarly to visual content. A PG-rated movie may affect a seven-year-old differently than it would a 13-year-old. Make sure that the movie deals with a subject matter that your child is old enough to comprehend. For instance, a movie that discourages violence does not have to be gory or very frightening.

Choose movies that present truth and diversity
Movies should expand your child’s horizons and increase their awareness of how people live, relate, and solve problems. Movies with accurate representations of diverse groups of people can provide truthful insights on the different ways that people go about their daily lives. Avoid films that reinforce negative stereotypes or make a mockery of diversity.

Examine the kind of values that the movie teaches
Good family movies should teach children the importance of honesty, respect, charity, tolerance, and hard work. Does the movie condemn violence as a means to resolve conflicts, or does it glorify crime as an acceptable route to fame and fortune? Quality children’s movies must truthfully show the consequences of the characters’ actions and decisions.  

Follow the above suggested guidelines, make sure to get enough popcorn for everyone and enjoy the show!

Links:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parental_guidance
http://www.ed.gov/pubs/OR/ConsumerGuides/tv.html
http://www.answers.com/topic/parental-guidance 

It is challenging enough to commit to a life partner, but more so if you are becoming a step-parent for the first time.

About 46% of marriages are now ending in divorce and two thirds of remarriages involve children from prior marriages. So it is probable that if you are single and childless, your future partner will be divorced with one or more children. If this is the case, then there are many possible domestic arrangements for the children. Whatever the arrangement, you will have contact with the children and become part of their life. Here are five to keep in mind:

1. I love my darling but not the children!
Your love for your partner is paramount and must be strong. Love does not automatically become switched on for the step-children, so do not feel guilty. Your love and interest in them will develop, but it could take time.

2. Am I expected to discipline?
This needs careful discussion with your partner. Discipline is set by the parent, however you will need to be consistent in your expectations and manner and be seen to support your partner.

3. Do I have to see the ex?
However you feel, try to remain dignified and calm. There may be much emotion from everyone, including ex-spouses, grandparents, uncles and aunts who are expressing their loss, anger or sense of failure with the new domestic arrangements. You may be fortunate and everyone is delighted that you are now on the scene, so enjoy it and count it as an unexpected enrichment.

4. Is step-parenting forever?
Like parenting, step-parenting is forever. You may think that it is over once your step-child reaches young adulthood and in one sense the hands - on demands do become less. Instead your role as a parent figure comes to the fore. As with anything we do, the more effort we put into something, the more satisfaction we gain.   
These steps are a definite guarantee to successful step parenting.

Links:
http://step-parenting.com/osCommerce/catalog/
http://www.flc.org/hfl/parenting/stepparents.htm

The first time a woman is pregnant is a time of anticipation, excitement, fear and sometimes, sorrow. It is a maze of emotions that can be unexpected and overwhelming. Most mothers can be confident in the chances of having a healthy and safe pregnancy and labor, but despite the marvels of medical technology there is an emotional component that is missing from the care of a pregnant woman and her needs before and during labor.

Doulas offer a service to provide this essential care for women; women who may not have close friends or family that can answer their questions or be the emotional support they need.

Midwives?  Doulas?  What’s the Difference?
What is a Doula? The word 'doula' comes from a Greek term referring to the highest ranking female slave in a household.  The doula's support and comfort are focused on easing the emotional anxieties associated with labor and birth.  A Doula is usually not a medically trained individual. Her role in the birthing process is to physically and emotionally assist the mother in a nurturing role rather than a medical one.

A doula can help you with your birth plan, attend physician visits with you, stay with you throughout labor.  Some doulas specialize in postpartum support.  They will help you get comfortable with the breastfeeding process, provide child care advise and may even help out with some light household chores. 

You can find information about doulas from your hospital, childbirth educator or local support group, like Le Leche League. The price will vary depending on the doula's experience and local rates. Ask for recommendations from other mothers and interview several until you find a good match for you and your baby. 

____ What training/certifications do you have?
____ What experience do you have?
____ What specific services do you provide?
____ What’s your availability if we want to call you with questions or concerns before and after the birth?
____ Which care providers have you worked with? Where have you attended births?
____ When do you join women in labor? Do you come to our home or meet us at the hospital?
____ Will you meet with us after the birth to review the labor and answer questions?
____ Do you work with one or more backup doulas (for times when you are not available)?  May we meet them?
____ What is your fee? Is any part of your fee refundable if you do not attend the birth?
____Please provide us with a list of previous client references.After the interview, discuss the following questions with your partner:
____ Did you find the doula to be kind, warm, and enthusiastic?
____ Is she knowledgeable?
____ Does she communicate well?
____ Is she a good listener?
____ Do you feel comfortable with her?

Links:
http://www.dona.org/
http://www.charm.net/~totoro/doula.html
http://www.doula.com/

As if the stress of raising kids in today's hustle-bustle world isn't enough, with both of you working and the price of everything going through the roof; let's now add a couple of well-intentioned, "experienced" child-rearing experts. I mean, after all, look at the fine job we did raising you.

For the purpose of this article, let's assume that you haven't, at least not yet, taken the easy way out and moved across the country---far away from "Grams and Gramps", or whatever pet names you have assigned us.

Instead, imagine that you are the fortunate ones who have these virtual "fonts of child-rearing knowledge" living right next door---literally or figuratively. Quick, easy baby sitting service, right? Right! You've probably already discovered that nothing is ever "quick and easy" when "G......and G......" are involved. Thanks to modern medicine G and G are probably nearly as busy as you are.

True, we weren't there for you as much as we would have liked during your formative years. We somehow managed to shuffle careers with baseball and cheer-leading practice; housework with PTA meetings and birthday parties. You know the drill. You're living it right now.

Forgive us if we sometimes seem a bit jealous of our time. Do you remember all of the things we predicted that you would understand when you grew up and had your own family?  Right now, you assume as we did, that you have years and years to go. Do you remember the day you were born? How about the day you finished high school? Can you remember three days BEFORE your wedding? You remember some; but, we remember it ALL, it all happened in an instant.

And now, for most of us, that "instant" contains over 50 years of change. Remember also, that many of us are "old hippies" at heart; and, Viagra not withstanding, many of us still retain that mindset. We were the "Make Love, Not War" generation-----something you have only read about in your history books; along with Vietnam and a host of other life-altering experiences.

We know that we're not unique. Each generation somehow survives its "defining moments". Our parents had World War Two and "the bomb". Their parents had World War One and The Great Depression. You've already had Iraq and September 11th; and you are living in a world that has changed forever.

Please bear with us if we don't always fit the traditional "G....and G...." stereotype. It's a brand new century for all of us.

As teenagers go out into the world, they are confronted with mixed messages about their looks, their behavior, and their attitude. This is part of what makes adolescence a fragile and difficult time.  These truths, combined with still immature reasoning and judgment means that teenagers are prone to distortions in their self image.  As a parent, you want your child to grow up to be confident, and successful. The key to achieving all of this is self esteem.  And so, here are a couple of tips as to how you can best foster self esteem in your teenager.

1) Make clear rules. All children respond best to clear instruction and this communicates the value you have for your child which is the first building block of self esteem.
2) Let them make decisions. Teenagers learn good decision-making by actually making decisions so let them make decisions with your guidance.
3) Stay connected. Although teenagers are likely to be self-centered be sure to ask about their day and keep them involved.
4) Parental pride. When your child accomplishes a goal let him or her know how proud you are. Words make a huge difference; don't just assume that they already know.
5) Support.  Support your child during a conflict. When your child is in conflict with another, find a way to support his/her viewpoint while maintaining your personal integrity.
6) Examine your own self esteem. If you have struggled with it yourself, take care not to impose these same struggles on your child.
7) Remind your child of your support. It's like the old saying, "give them roots to ground them, but wings to fly". Let them know you are there to help them whenever they need it.  8) Celebrate their uniqueness. Every parent has cherished dreams for their child. But you as a parent must learn to deeply love who your child is.

With high self esteem, your child will move through the world more confidently, be more willing to take necessary risks, and will be more successful.  

Links:
http://parentingteens.about.com/od/agesandstages/a/role_parent.htm?terms=teenage+self%20esteem
http://www.keepkidshealthy.com/adolescent/adolescentquicktips/selfesteem.html
http://www.adolescentselfesteem.com/